Lettuce Pray

We all have those awkward dates in high school. You know… the ones where you unsure what to wear, probably should order something small (don’t want to look like a piglet). Those dates that are absolutely NOT like the ones we see in the movies. Well, let me tell you…. I have a date to remember.

It all started on my senior year in high school. My boyfriend at the time and I decided that we were going to go out to eat at a local Bar & Grill... (Apparently my usual chicken tenders weren’t good enough this time around). Keep in mind, dinner dates are a picky eater’s NIGHTMARE.

 We get the menus and that's where it all started to go downhill...I CAN'T ORDER CHICKEN NUGGETS. MY GO TO FOOD *sad face*. So, I am skimming the menu and think to myself, “There is no way in hell I can eat anything on this menu.” 
Then, that’s when I spotted it… I am going to eat a chicken Caesar salad. If anyone has ever been out with me, you know how I order. So, ordering this salad was something along the lines of “I want a chicken Caesar salad with no tomato, no crouton, no onion, and no green crisps (Wth is a green crisp anyway?).” It is this moment in time that I get the pure look of judgment from my waitress. Straight stares. I just brushed off her look and she went on her merry way getting my date’s order written down and heads back to the kitchen. 

 As the waitress came back with our food, I looked down and had a facial expression somewhat resembling this:

omg shocked mr bean shook terrified GIF

I came to realize what green crisps are… the lettuce. That’s right. You heard correctly… I ordered a salad with NO LETTUCE. Who the hell calls lettuce green crisps? Lettuce isn’t fancy, stop trying to make it fancy. 

I know what everyone is thinking, what did this salad look like if it had no lettuce? Well, let me tell you, it was unforgettable. Served in a bowl was a cut up chicken breast with cucumbers rounding the rim of the bowl with Caesar dressing on the side. 

You know, this is still a date. Here I am red-faced and the most embarrassed as I have ever been before. I look up, and here is my date laughing as hard as ever. The worst part was... he dropped me off and told the whole family what happened. It has been nearly four years, and I still can't live it down. So, welcome to the life of Kerstyn, where dates are even impossible. 

P.S. I went back a week later and ordered the salad with lettuce. It was better without... 

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 12, 2017 at 2:51 PM

    OH MY GOD I have never laughed harder. This was fantastically written. I can only imagine how this all went down. I am a huge foodie and I have never heard lettuce called green crisps so don't feel to bad. But in terms of awkward first dates I can totally relate. Mine was my junior year of high school and we went to the movies and he kept awkwardly trying to put an arm around me but it just wasn't comfortable so I tried to shove him off... didn't go so well because he thought I was trying to get closer. I became trapped for the next 2 hours of my life.

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  2. Maria SchroederSeptember 12, 2017 at 5:44 PM

    This story is amazing. Definitely gave me a good laugh. I'm someone who will eat or try almost anything but I'm not a fan of salads. I don't understand why anyone in their right mind would order a salad over something like a burger. This story reminded me of anytime I go out to eat with my friend Kelly. All she'll eat is chicken. And don't even dare trying to give her vegetables. I think the moral of your story is never trust a restaurant that doesn't serve chicken nuggets. Especially if they call lettuce "green crisps". Huge red flag.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sarah BujoldSeptember 13, 2017 at 9:51 AM

    This is absolutely hilarious! I loved seeing a whole different way how being a picky eater can even affect your dating life! (Reasons why you're still single???) Haha, kidding, but this is definitely relatable on so many levels. I think most people have had at least one terrible date, and at this point we're at an age where we can now look back and laugh at the awkwardness of the situation(s). Great gifs to add to the post as well. It really made it relevant and enjoyable because that's something we see on so many different social media platforms today. Also, to agree with everyone else, I've never heard of lettuce being called "green crisps." Like what is that, a salad full of kale chips??? Anyway, great post, and I can't wait to read more!

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